20s – The Time of Being the Underdog

For most young men, the decade between the ages of 20 and 30 is profoundly transformative. The decisions made and behavioral patterns acquired during these years set a trajectory that often defines the rest of a man’s life — professionally, relationally, and psychologically.

This period marks the beginning of a man’s rise in what evolutionary psychologists call the Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV) — a term that refers to one’s desirability as a mate based on age, resources, physical traits, and behavioral strategies (Buss, 2016). What’s remarkable is that a man’s market value increases even if all other factors remain constant, simply due to aging, stability, and accrued competence (Brase & Guy, 2004).

Unlike women — who tend to peak earlier in perceived sexual desirability (typically between 18–24 according to global dating data from OkCupid and Tinder analytics) — men often start as undervalued and underestimated. They enter the marketplace as underdogs.

But this position, when approached strategically, is not a curse. It’s an opportunity.

In this article, we explore the core dynamics of being a man in your 20s:

• Why women your age are (statistically) more valuable in the dating market than you

• Why rejection is not failure, but calibration

• Why owning your underdog status is the foundation of all future status

• And how to use this uphill battle to harden your frame, develop discipline, and outgrow comparison

This is the decade of the Underdog — and when approached correctly, it becomes the forge of future dominance.

The Historical Causes of Betaization

Young men entering their 20s today are not just biologically younger — they are the outcome of a massive, multi-decade sociocultural experiment that took place between the 1970s and the 1990s. This experiment redefined masculinity, fatherhood, and male authority in unprecedented ways.

Their fathers — primarily Generation X and the older cohorts of Millennials — came of age during the greatest collapse of masculinity in modern history. What unfolded during those decades was not random but systemic: a steady erosion of masculine values across media, education, law, and domestic life.

Masculinity on Trial

One of the clearest mirrors of this cultural shift was television.

For thousands of years, fathers were revered as elders, wise leaders of their clans — men of gravitas, dignity, and responsibility. In the biblical sense, they were Noahs, Abrahams, and Davids — anchors of family, faith, and structure. But in the cultural products of late 20th-century media, those men were replaced by Homer Simpsons, Al Bundys, and Ray Romanos — bumbling, emasculated figures played for comic relief. These characters weren’t just flawed; they were stripped of agency, initiative, and competence, consistently outwitted or overruled by their wives, children, or clueless bosses.

Fathers went from heroes to household jokes.

This change wasn’t just cultural — it was political. The rise of second- and third-wave feminism during this time began positioning “masculinity” as inherently suspect. Legal systems followed suit, increasingly presuming male guilt in family law, education discipline, and public discourse. Sociologists like Christina Hoff Sommers (1994) documented how boys were being pathologized for acting like boys, while traditionally feminine traits were disproportionately praised.

The Fatherless Generation

Now add this: during the same decades, divorce rates exploded across the Western world. By the 1980s, nearly 50% of all marriages ended in divorce in the U.S. and comparable Western nations. But what’s often overlooked is this: women remarried far less than men. The result?

Millions of boys were raised not by weak fathers — but by no fathers at all.

In place of structured male guidance, they were immersed in environments dominated by school systems that increasingly viewed male behavior as problematic. Climbing trees, rough play, risk-taking, and boundary-pushing — once seen as signs of normal boyhood — were now red-flagged as symptoms of ADHD, conduct disorders, or emotional dysregulation (Sax, 2007).

Schools and media environments began rewarding obedience, emotional sensitivity, and performative self-restraint — traits that are neither wrong nor weak, but evolutionarily atypical in early male development (Geary, 2010). Masculine assertiveness, boundary-setting, and risk-taking were either punished or pathologized.

Worse still, the environments were padded with comfort. No hardship, no hunger, no fights, no bruises. Safety was institutionalized, but resilience was not.

The Outcome: The Beta Spiral

And so, a generation of fathers — emotionally subdued, boundary-averse, and unsure of their own authority — produced sons even more removed from masculine structures. As Jordan Peterson (2018) has noted, boys raised without strong male figures often fail to develop the moral muscle required to enforce order in their lives or relationships.

The fourth wave of feminism, which surged in the early 21st century, doubled down on these developments. Alongside it came an explosion of trigger warnings, safe spaces, emotional policing, and ideological censorship. As Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt detail in The Coddling of the American Mind (2018), the cultural obsession with “safety” soon extended to ideas, opinions, and even historical facts — creating environments where emotional comfort was prioritized over reality testing, maturity, and resilience.

The result? A generation of men often mocked as “pussified” — feminized, passive, hypersensitive, and relationally indecisive.

But the real tragedy lies not in the insult. It lies in the lost capacity for responsibility and sacrifice — the very ingredients that once defined manhood.

Sexual marketplace situation of Underdogs

When it comes to intersexual dynamics, both men and women are commonly evaluated — consciously or subconsciously — on a scale from 1 to 10. This “rating system” is often misunderstood by young men, who tend to view these numbers as permanent, fixed for life. In reality, sexual marketplace value (SMV) is highly dynamic. It changes across the lifespan and varies based on both societal trends and personal development.

More precisely, we can speak of two kinds of SMV:

• Normative marketplace value — the average desirability score attributed to a group (e.g., 23-year-old women or 40-year-old men)

• Individual marketplace value — a person-specific score, based on traits like looks, income, personality, health, status, and behavior

While individual SMV is more stable than group averages, it too evolves — especially during key decades of transformation.

For men in their early 20s — the so-called underdogs — there’s both good and bad news. Let’s start with the bad: the average marketplace value of a 20–22-year-old man is only about 30–35% of what it will be at his peak (usually around age 36–40) — even if his traits don’t drastically change.

This means that at the beginning of adulthood, a young man enters the romantic and sexual marketplace with only a third of his full potential. Imagine entering a high-stakes competition — one that defines your future — with only a third of your tools or strength. That’s the reality of most men in their early 20s.

Meanwhile, women in the same age group are at their absolute peak SMV. Numerous evolutionary and socio-cultural studies confirm that the average female physical attractiveness, fertility cues, and sexual desirability hit their zenith around age 22–23 (see: Buss, 2003; Kenrick & Keefe, 1992).

This creates an imbalance.

A 22-year-old man is essentially trying to compete for women who are biologically and socially calibrated to prefer older, higher-status men — typically in their 30s. These women are not “evil” or “shallow” for doing so; it’s simply a reflection of hypergamy — the evolutionary tendency of women to seek upward in status, maturity, or stability (see: Gangestad & Simpson, 2000).

As a result, men in their early 20s often face a 5-point SMV gap between themselves and the women they desire. This makes dating women of their own age highly difficult unless the man is an outlier in status, looks, or social dominance.

However — and here comes the good news — time is on the man’s side.

The value crossover point

At approximately age 30, the average SMV curve for men crosses that of women. From that point onward, men’s value (especially if they've developed competence, status, income, and physical health) begins to surpass the average woman’s, which naturally declines due to fertility curves and socio-cultural factors.

This dynamic becomes particularly visible in women aged 29 to 31. While there may be virtually no visible difference between a 29-year-old and a 31-year-old woman in terms of physical appearance or life experience, the psychological and social effects of crossing out of the 20s are immense.

At 29, many women are still energized by the cultural cachet of being “in their twenties” — confident, choosy, focused on securing a high-status mate. But just two years later, at 31, something changes. Not always in looks — but in attitude.

She becomes more willing to “date down” — meaning men she would’ve rejected just a few years earlier now fall within her consideration. This is not necessarily manipulation or loss of standards; it is simply a recalibration of expectations in response to the changing SMV landscape.

Strategic insight for men

Understanding these SMV dynamics offers a huge psychological relief — and strategic clarity — for men in their 20s. It helps them see:

• Their current disadvantage is temporary

• Their best years are ahead — not behind

• They shouldn’t chase unreachable targets, but rather focus on building themselves for the long game

This understanding is central to the Underdog training module in AlphaMastery™, which teaches young men to embrace their current position not as a curse — but as the perfect starting point for long-term exponential growth.

As with any stock that’s undervalued: the smart investor doesn’t panic. He builds. He holds. He positions. And when the value rises — as it inevitably will — he capitalizes.

What can be done — not just waiting without dating

Many intersexual dynamic coaches and influencers tell young men in their 20s to “just wait.” The advice is: don’t chase women, don’t waste energy — your time will come. And there’s some truth to that. Simply waiting — or waiting without dating — can help conserve energy, avoid trauma, and protect one’s future options.

But let’s be honest: while that’s better than self-destructive chasing, it’s far from optimal.

The goal isn’t to sit in isolation, watching your value grow with age like a fine wine. The goal is to train, to build, and to develop a rare edge — so that when the curve turns, you’re not just average, but dominant.

Instead of fantasizing about becoming the next 25-year-old millionaire (a delusion mostly fueled by algorithm-driven social media showcasing statistical outliers), your goal should be to become the black horse.

A “black horse” isn’t the loudest or the richest — he’s the one with undeniable trajectory. Women can feel it. Men can sense it. It’s the quiet storm of potential.

And modern high-quality women — the kind worth your attention — are increasingly drawn to potential over possessions. Not because they’re idealistic, but because potential can be read like a language through posture, work ethic, consistency, and psychological depth.

So what can a young man in his 20s actually do?

Here are three transformative traits that, when cultivated, each raise your sexual marketplace value (SMV) by at least one full point:

1. Industriousness – The Power of Consistent Output

Industriousness is simply: How much of your day is spent working, focused, and producing real outcomes?

Not scrolling. Not multitasking. Not “building your mindset.” Actual work.

The time you spend deeply focused on producing something valuable, within the upper limit of your cognitive and physical ability, is one of the strongest predictors of long-term SMV.

Studies show industriousness (a facet of conscientiousness in the Big Five) is directly correlated with long-term income, life satisfaction, and perceived male attractiveness (Bleidorn et al., 2014; Roberts et al., 2007).

It doesn’t even matter what the work is early on — a focused dishwasher gains more value than a scattered YouTube "entrepreneur."

The hard truth? You can’t binge-dopamine and expect dopamine rewards. Building industriousness means resolving one core tension:

Pleasure now vs. Power later.
Every hour sacrificed to work instead of shallow fun, increases your odds of freedom, impact, and magnetic polarity in your 30s.

2. Reliability – Becoming a Man Whose Word Builds Worlds

Reliability is not “sometimes showing up.” It’s being the man who always shows up.

It includes:

• Radical honesty – not lying, even under pressure (see: DePaulo et al., 1996)

• Promise-keeping – following through, even when it’s inconvenient

• Agreement execution – becoming the man whose handshake is stronger than contracts

These are not just “nice traits” — they form the moral skeleton of a man. When women sense this moral backbone, they associate it with long-term safety and leadership potential.

Most young men flake. Most young men lie. Most young men rationalize shortcuts.
That’s why reliability stands out like a steel beam in a world of cardboard.

Becoming reliable is hard. It costs comfort. It costs flexibility. But it builds internal respect, and eventually — external power.

3. Emotional Control – Standing Still in the Middle of the Storm

The third SMV upgrade is emotional mastery.

This means: you become less ruled by emotional reactivity and more governed by principled decisions. Not because emotions are bad — but because your mission must not depend on them.

Emotional stability (a low score on neuroticism) is consistently rated as one of the most attractive male personality traits (Lukaszewski & Roney, 2011). Why? Because it signals:

• Confidence

• Strength under pressure

• Long-term fatherhood potential

• Self-discipline
  
  

Our AlphaMastery™ students practice this through behavioral ritual:

• Walk slower than anyone else in the room

• Do not react to verbal provocations

• Maintain eye contact under pressure

• Speak less when your ego wants to speak more

The goal is not suppression — the goal is sovereignty. The woman who tries to manipulate or test a man with strong emotional control often ends up respecting him far more deeply than one who reacts.

Key ideas

Even if your marketplace value is lower in your 20s — you are not powerless.

You are buildable.

By focusing on these three traits — Industriousness, Reliability, and Emotional Control — you upgrade yourself from passive “nice guy” to silent force of nature. And that’s the exact type of man who flips the script in his 30s, 100% of the time.

Let me know when you're ready for the next part.

In Conclusion: Underdog Status Is Not a Curse — It’s a Setup

Being an underdog in your 20s isn’t a tragedy. It only feels like one if you’re caught in the narrow mental loop of self-pity, uncertainty, and social comparison.

Yes, it can feel chaotic. Yes, the future feels like a fog of fears and unmet potential. And yes — it looks like everyone else is already winning.

But that’s a mirage, not a map.

Social media distorts success by magnifying the few outliers and giving the illusion that wealth, status, and confidence are handed out at 22 to anyone with a camera and an algorithm. What you're not shown is how many of those lives are leased, copied, or entirely fabricated. Most are not ahead — they’re just louder.

At the same time, it’s true that the sexual marketplace is stacked against men in their early 20s. You’re often rejected by women your own age because they’re at their peak market value and naturally look upward — toward men in their 30s who’ve already built something.

But here’s the truth:

Waiting without dating is not a strategy.
It’s just passivity dressed up as patience.

The better alternative? Seize the day. Train. Reframe. Turn your position into fuel.

You may not have the resources yet — but you can have something even rarer: the fire, the discipline, and the inner structure that makes future wealth, leadership, and attraction inevitable.

Start here:

• Industriousness: Outwork everyone. Give your full attention to the work in front of you. Let your time become currency, and your focus become capital.

• Accountability: Stop lying. Keep your word. Finish what you promise. Become the rare man who doesn’t escape responsibility — he owns it fully.

• Emotional control: React slower. Speak less. Ground yourself under pressure. Let others be chaotic while you become the anchor.

These three pillars are not just traits — they are weapons.

Every day you live by them, your underdog status weakens and your frame strengthens.

And one day — silently, without needing applause — you’ll realize you’re no longer the one chasing value. You’ve become it.